Posted by: Lizabeta | June 21, 2011

Diary of an Apple

Big Apple
Diary of an Apple
Day 1
Dear Journal,
It is a terrible time to be an apple, for I have been plucked from my family tree, tossed and trapped in a sack. I am being carried away to unknown lands, lands that no apple has ever returned from. It is dark and cold in this bag. I’ve never felt so alone, even surrounded by my own kind.

Day 2
Dear Journal,
I am bruised from all this bumpy traveling, its windy and crowded. As I look out a small hole upon my siblings and neighbors boxed up in crates and sacks, who are scared out of their skins, I wonder what will happen to me. I can no longer see my family tree. I’m scared, I don’t know where we are going, or what they are going to do to us. All I know is that after this, my life will never be the same.

Day 3
Dear Journal,
Today I awoke to a loud screech and noticed that the strange feeling of force that started once the loud humming noise from underneath us had, was gone. Suddenly, it felt as if something was pulling the sack up. We rolled out of the bag and into the sun like rocks in a landslide. I thought I was free, until I landed on a rather comfortable cushion with four bars about half my height on all sides. I tried to get out, but unfortunately, unlike the strange creatures whom picked me from my tree, I do not have limbs.
Just when I thought I would make it out, they closed us in with a lid. We were carried to a place most strange, with my friends and neighbors lined up in rows upon rows. Suddenly I heard a loud voice coming from all directions. “Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five minutes.”

Day 4
Dear Journal,
When the sun rose today, the weird two legged animals that a wise banana had told me were called “human beans”, emerged from the box like hole and started to pick us up and toss us in their odd, lidless crates on circles. Strange enough, the fruits that were chosen to go, never came back. This went on for a while until I asked the banana where they were going and what happened to them.
“Legend has it,” the banana replied, “that there was once a bushel of apples who were taken by the human beans. However, among those fruits, was a bad apple. According to him, he saw his brothers and sisters being chopped up and swallowed.”
“How did he escape?” I asked, fighting not to pass out.
“Apparently, being a bad apple, the human beans didn’t want him. So they took him back.” I felt sick to my core. I thought I was going to blow seeds. “You can’t really trust him though,” the banana said, obviously seeing how disturbed I was. “He is a bad apple, he could of just made the whole thing up.” It was very possible. Bad apples are almost never trustworthy, but I could tell that wasn’t the case. The banana was just trying to make me feel better. There was something about his peel. The way the stem looked upward, like he was deep in thought.
The sun was setting now, and I heard the same voice as the night before. “Attention shoppers, thank you for choosing Smart, the store will be closing in ten minutes.”
“Banana,” I said. “Hmm.” “I promise that no matter what happens, no matter how hard things may get, we will get through this together.”

Day 5
Dear Journal,
Once again, the sun rose and the human beans came through the hole and went choosing the best of my friends to eat. “Disgusting,” I said to myself. “Absolutely disgusting.” Right then, I felt more sick then the time a worm somehow got into my core. I felt sick… of them.
“So,” the banana said after awhile. “Here’s how the human beans do it. First, they pick us up and put us in their portable storage containers or P.S.C.. Then, after they get everything they need, they go to the front of the big box and trade this kind of green paper I think they call change for us.
After that, a human bean will put us in another smaller P.S.C. which then goes into the bigger one. Once that is done, they take us to a wide, black, rock hard ground where there are hundreds of giant metal boxes that are on wheels. They throw us while we are still in the small P.S.C. usually into the middle section of one of the boxes.
Soon after that, the human beans get into the front section and use this kind of partly hollowed out circle to move the biggest of the P.S.C.s. After a while, the box will stop at a specific large wooden box although it usually has a big triangle on top of it. At arrival, the human beans will take us into the wood box and they are never seen again.”
“One question,” I said.
“Yes?”
“How do you know all this stuff?”
“I recruited a spy bird,” he said uncomfortably.
“What did you give it in return?” I asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Just then, I noticed some of his stem was missing. Brrrrr, I shivered as my core did a somersault.
“So how do we escape?” I asked trying to stay on topic.
“We could try punching a hole through the small P.S.C. and rolling out as the human bean brings us into their wood box, or we could try to hide in the big P.S.C., or, and this is the most risky,… we could wait, and make a plan to escape the wood box,” the banana suggested. I thought about these for a long time.
“Let’s try them all,” I said after a while.
“Agreed.”

Day 6
Dear Journal,
Today, we execute… OPERATION BAD APPLE (and Banana)!

Day 7
Dear Journal,
OPERATION BAD APPLE (and Banana)(!)… failed. Unfortunately all of our plans had one very fatal and completely overlooked flaw. A flaw that evolution has cursed us with! The flaw that Bananas… don’t roll well. We tried everything, some of which I would not like to talk about.
But we tried pushing him, dragging him, carrying him…sorry, my core did a somersault. Anyway, we couldn’t get the cat out of the bag, or us. No, seriously this female bean likes cats a LOT. One and a half hours of nothing but, well, butt (Cat butt, that is). Brrrrr, I shiver just to think about it. And just when I thought I would never eat the sunlight (or smell) again, the banana and I heard a muffled voice. It was hard to make out, but I think it went something like, “shnukoms, wht R U dooing in theere.” As the banana and I were attempting to decipher this obviously highly complex system of speech, suddenly … LET THERE BE LIGHT. The cat left the P.S.C., but that was when we discovered our flaw, that bananas don’t go with the roll.
I pushed and pulled and tugged and lifted until I pulled a hamstem. After about two minutes of embarrassing attempts to throw the banana out the P.S.C. that we were trapped in, (which, by the way, was being secretly videotaped by a deviled egg) we decided to stop throwing him out. He was starting to look green (again). Then the human bean came to the P.S.C. that we were told was a [slug] bug by a suspicious looking asparagus. It picked us up and started carrying us to the black gates of fruit DOOM (and apparently cats)!
“Quick, execute Plan Banana Split 2,” said Banana!
“Umm right, big sharp thing!” I searched frantically, but couldn’t find anything. “Come on, come on!” I said to myself. Then I heard a jingling and a click. I was beginning to panic.
“Alright, time for the disinfectant spray.” Said a voice outside the P.S.C. And it felt as though we were set down. “I don’t trust that markets disinfectant.” I heard a hiss and when I looked up, I saw a mist falling down on us. By this time, I really was starting to panic. And when the mist reached me, everything went black.

Day 8
Dear Journal,
“BAAA,” I woke with a start, gasping and out of water. “Ohh apple #five hundred and eight six, hu, hu, hu, I just had the worst dream o-HOLY SPROUTS ITS REAL!”
“Huu, whats real?”
“hbu, bubu, ruma, ohhh”
“What?” the banana asked. Before I could answer him, however, a giant hand swooped down and stole us, only to plop us down on an incredibility smooth and reflective stone. Then I saw it. Every fruit, vegi., grain, dairy product, and meats worst nightmare. The Kitchen. Knives, forks, blenders, ovens, and worst of all… SPOONS! Although it wasn’t quite as scary as I had imagined. I had imagined obsidian walls and demon fire and butchers knives. Instead, it was rather nice. Clean and sunny. Until, just then, the older female human bean got out a huge pot and started to fill it with water. After she filled it, she put it on the stove, turned a knob, and flames shot out of the bottom of the pot.
As the pot was heating up, the banana and I looked around and examined the kitchen. There were several holes in the walls, but each one of them seemed to be blocked by an invisible, flat rock. There was a hole in the sink and we would have tried that, had it not been for the sound it made when one of the human beans dumped some rather goopy looking fluid down it and flicked a switch. We had just about given up hope when the banana spotted a small hole at the bottom of the invisible, flat rocks.
“Apple,” said the banana. “look at that.” I looked down and saw the closed hole.”If we can just get that open,” the banana said.
“How?” I asked doubtfully. Just then, a cat walked over there and just pushed it over its head, walking through the hole.
“Apparently, that’s how,” the banana said with a grin.
After a couple brainstorms of escape plans, we heard a loud RRRIIIIIIIPPPP, and saw that the older human bean had ripped open a P.S.C. that contained some kind of white powder. we tried to ignore what she was doing, even though we both knew that just behind us, some innocent fruit or vegetable was being chopped up and stewed, just for the sake of taste. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore, I whirled around prepared to snap my eyes shut. But when I saw what she was doing, it wasn’t bad at all. She was just taking some of that white powder and dumping it onto another sort of strange smooth rock. But I noticed that whenever she did, a large puff of white dust appeared that was almost harder to see through than fog.
“I have had it with these flour clouds!” the older bean exclaimed. And she walked away. However a few seconds later she returned with a metal plant with only three leaves and one root. when she attached the root to the wall, the leaves started to spin, faster, faster, faster until you could feel a gust of wind.
“Ahh, that’s better,” the human bean said. and the white clouds vanished. I told the banana about the white cloud.
“Interesting, and the metal plant blows it away?” he asked
“Yes,” I replied. “But it takes a second.”
“Hmm”

Day 9
Dear Journal,
Today is the day we succeed. Today is the day we make history! Today, we escape. I explained the plan to the banana.
“Alright, in the kitchen, there are three large holes in the wall. However, each one seems to be closed off by an invisible, flat rock. except for one, which has a hole in the clear rock big enough for a cat to fit through. however, the human bean could walk in at any time and capture us for good. So to deal with her, fortunately she still hasn’t put the P.S.C. of white powder away yet. So the next time she walks into the kitchen, we will tip over the P.S.C. and a massive white dust cloud should appear blocking her vision completely. Unfortunately, she still has the metal plant blowing, so the cloud won’t last very long. I shall then pick you up, and carry you to the hole in the clear rock. Once we get through, we’re home free!” Just after I finished, the Human bean appeared, holding what looked like a fake mouse.
“Shnookums, where are you?” she called, wandering into the kitchen, bent down. “Positions,” Banana and I rolled back, behind the P.S.C.. “Operation BANANA SPLIT WITH AN APPLE ON TOP is now underway!”
“Three, two, one, push!” together we shoved as hard as we could, throwing our whole fruit weight into it. Aaannnd… FFFWWWWOOOMMMP!!! White powder everywhere. “Ahh!” We heard a small thud and a groan. But we didn’t have time to investigate, the plant was already starting to clear away our cover. I picked Banana up and rolled for the hole. Almost there, almost there, I thought.
“Ahh!” Thud. “Uhh, apparently we didn’t take into account the fact that we’re on the counter.” It took a moment to regroup, but soon, Banana was back on my stem and we were at the hole. I threw the banana up and into the hole, hoping that it would open. Sure enough, it did, but just barely.
“OK, now my turn, Hup. Dang it, I can’t reach!” I looked back. I could see the powder clearing up and the shadow of a human bean starting to recover. I looked frantically nearby, but all I could see was a few rubber bands, a ball of string, and a plastic, flat bar… suddenly, sunbulb. I rolled over to the flat bar and put the tip lying at the base of the hole. I looked back and our cover was almost gone now. I could see the human bean getting up, and knew I only had seconds before she found me. I wasted no time in climbing up. Soon I was free. Or at least, I thought I was.
“Wait, That’s not suppose to be there!” Outside, was a large field of grass and just beyond that, were giant flat bars of wood, sticking out of the ground.
“I can see a hole at the base of one of the wood bars,” said the banana. “But there’s no other way across.”
“I’m not going in there!” I told the banana. “Do you know how many bugs and worms there are in these kind of places?!”
“It’s the only way out,” the banana urged me. “Look, I’ve already come up with a plan. I found a sharp stick. You carry me, and I’ll defend you.” I had to think about this for a bit. “Its either that, or stay here and rot.”
“Fine,” I said reluctantly. So I picked him up, and he readied his stick. ”I am so gonna regret this,” I said to myself. I took a deep breath. “Three, two, one, CHARGE!” I started to roll as fast as I could. Sometimes I could catch glimpses of the banana stabbing here and jabbing there. After about thirty seconds however, we were starting to get tired. I was getting dizzy, and before I knew it, I was spinning out of control and the banana was left behind.
When I recovered, I was on a patch of smooth, grey, stone. And right behind me, was the exit. I started to go, but just then, I heard fighting behind me. The clashing of fang and stick, and I knew that the banana was out there, right now, fighting for his life. I started to roll back there, but stopped just short of the edge of the stone. I didn’t have any protection this time, they would gobble me up as soon as I set stem in that place, I backed up, not knowing what I should do. On one branch, certain freedom, but almost certainly losing a friend. On the other branch, almost certainly getting eaten, but my friend would be safe. I didn’t know what to do. Save my friend or save myself. And right then something clicked, and I remembered what I had said 5 days ago
“I promise that no matter what happens, no matter how hard things may get, we will get through this together.” I had made a promise, and I was not about to break it. I took another deep breath, and rolled.

Somehow, I was able to dodge every bug that saw me and even squish a few. I could tell I was getting closer. The noise was getting louder and louder. Soon I could even hear the screeches of some of the bugs getting stabbed. When I finally got to the place and skidded to a halt, what I saw was unbelievable. An entire hoard of insects were attacking the banana, who now had two sticks, but there was no way, he would be able to fight off that many bugs. I had never seen that many of anything in one place. Any and every kind of bug was there. There were spiders, ants, flys, mosquitoes, bees, hornets, and beetles, (who by the way, some of the beetles were singing songs from the 1960’s) and that was just what I could see. On top of all that, I could tell the banana was exhausted. I got in my rolling position. I spun round and round, plunging straight into the hoard. Any bug that was in my path ended up squished, or knocked aside.
I was getting dizzy again, and the path was getting thicker. But I stayed on track, never faltering. I was determined to reach my friend. But the road was so thick with bugs now, I wasn’t sure I could get there. And right when I thought I wasn’t going to make it, with one last great push of effort, I collapsed beside him. Almost out of juice, I stood up wobbly and said one word.
“Run!” picked him up and rolled out the same way I came. Lucky for me, the bugs hadn’t moved back and filled that gap yet. So it was A WHOLE LOT easier to get back. Even so, with the banana riding on me and the fact that I was completely out of juice, rolling back there fast enough to stay ahead of the spiders and flys, felt like towing a tree half a mile. I was slowing down now and the spiders were closing in. The banana was starting to fight them off now. And right as we were about to be overwhelmed we burst through the grass and rolled right into the hole.
I stopped and looked back. I expected to see fangs coming out of the exit, but instead I saw several of them looking at the smooth, grey stone with absolute disgust and hatred. Then they walked away and everything went dark.

Day 10
Dear Journal,
When I woke up, I found myself in a rather familiar place, my family tree.
“Uhh,” I groaned. Then shot boltright up. “Where’s banana?”
“Relax dear,” said mother tree in the most soothing voice I’ve heard in the past week and a half. “Your friend is here.” She opened some of her branches and hanging on one of them, was a banana. and not just hanging either, It was attached!
“B-b-b-b-banana,” I stuttered feeling light headed again.
“Whoa there, don’t pass out on us again,” he said.
“Bu-bu-bu-but how?” I asked exasperated.
“Your friend took you back to me,” mother tree explained. “He told me about the time he has had with you and said he does not have a family to go back to. His tree was cut down. So, I decided to take him in and graft him as one of my own. And now son, do you want to join us?”
I looked over to the banana, then to my family. “No,” I said.
“Really son, why not?”
“Because I don’t want what happened to me, to happen to any of you,” I replied “From this moment on, I will guard you, and keep any human beans from harming you ever again.”
“So be it,” mother tree said. “Good luck and thank you.”

The End By Aleksandr La Forge

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