Posted by: Lizabeta | January 7, 2010

The Underwear Bomber failed, in more ways than one.

“The Underwear Bomber failed.” [buahaha, in more ways than one]

We’re going to beef up airport security, because Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab allegedly snuck a bomb through a security checkpoint. We’re going to intensively screen Nigerians, because he is Nigerian. We’re going to field full body scanners, because they might have noticed the PETN that authorities say was hidden in his underwear. And so on.

We’re doing these things even though this particular plot was chosen precisely because we weren’t screening for it; future al Qaeda attacks rarely look like past attacks; and the terrorist threat is far broader than attacks against airplanes.

[I have the answer. After 9/11 we weren’t allowed to bring box cutters or knives onto airplanes anymore. After the “Shoe Bomber” we have to take our shoes off. The most logical answer is the safest. It is being wrongly cast aside because of modesty, vanity and fear of being giggled at. We all have to take our clothes off. That’s right folks… no more clothes on airplanes. The safest way to fly is when we have no where left to hide chemicals or weapons. We get to the airport, undress, put on FAA-Approved Flight Robes and make our way to the gate. Our clothing is tied up in plastic bags and checked with our bags. People with medications can check them in with the flight attendant and you are still allowed to bring reading material. Please, for all our sakes, don’t forget to wear deodorant.]

We’re doing these things even though security worked. The security checkpoints, even at their pre-9/11 levels, forced whoever made the bomb to construct a much worse bomb than he would have otherwise. Instead of using a timer or a plunger or another reliable detonation mechanism, as would any commercial user of PETN, he had to resort to an ad hoc homebrew — and a much more inefficient one, involving a syringe, and 20 minutes in the lavatory, and we don’t know exactly what else — that didn’t explode.

[Dear Underwear Bomber,
Who convinced you this was a good idea? Did you come up with this plan all by yourself? You stuffed chemicals in your unmentionables. Any plan that involves chemicals near my hooha is going to immediatly be passed over. If, by some stretch, someone manages to ask me to reconsider, the mention of a syringe, an in-flight lavatory and the BURNING my hooha part would toss it right back into the realm of not-gonna-happen. Let’s also take a look at your chances for lasting glory. The Underwear Bomber. Really? Was this how you wanted to go down in history? The Underwear Bomber? When you reach heaven, and folks ask you ‘How’d did you go?’ You could respond, “I exploded in my underwear.” Also, you failed. How sad is that? You failed lighting your underwear on fire. I honestly don’t think your heart was really in it.
Next time someone suggests a plan that niggles in the back of your mind… Just Say No.]

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