Posted by: Lizabeta | June 7, 2008

Fathers Day Reflections

My husband and I were married on the day before Fathers Day. Not on purpose, it was just the weekend most folks were available. Unable to bear the thought of leaving the kids alone (we each brought one to our relationship) we decided to bring them along on our Honeymoon. We went to Monterey Bay and spent the week. Frankly, we both just have more fun hanging around our kids. They are exuberant little creatures and its just easier for us to get childishly excited about the world when they are. An aquarium is just more fun when you turn a corner and see a shark and you hear “OhMiGod! That’s AWEsome! Mommy! Look! A shark! … <smaller voice> It can’t get out, right?” We went kayaking and saw sea otters, seals, lots of seaweed. We ate tasty food and just strolled around. We played in the sand. We just had lots of fun. And what are we two sticks in the mud going to do without our kids? Read? Shop? We probably would have gone kayaking but I doubt we would have played in the sand, looked for tidepools, waited patiently for a chance to hold a starfish or crab.

One of the things that I found most attractive about my husband was his commitment to his daughter and his unwillingness to let his ex bully him into letting her go. She seemed only interested in what child support she might be able to get and he was more worried about what environment she was in. She drew out his divorce for more than two years and generally he was stressed out that entire time. But he stuck with it, refused to sink to her level, dealt with her in a ‘business like manner’. And eventually, we were awarded primary custody. He took the high road and I’m proud of him for it.

Eight years into our relationship and four years into our marriage, my husband still maintains that desire to do right by his kids even when it doesn’t make his life easy. He wants to teach them to do what is right, not just fun. His quality time is not all fun and games, though there is a lot of that. He sees quality time as truly being a parent and not a friend. I’m so thankful for that as I look around and see so many families with children who are out of control because their parents do not take a firm stance on backtalking, attitude, and truthfulness.

I saw a mom the other day tried to steer her daughter towards a phone that was within her budget. Good move I thought, quietly. Then her daughter threw a fit and demanded a good phone. A phone with lots of bells and whistles. The one the daughter had in mind all along. There was no rational discussion about pros and cons and why her choice might be a better fit. There was just temper and greed. And the mom backed down.

My man would never let himself be treated with such disrespect, nor has he ever allowed our children to treat me with that kind of disrespect. Any such temper tantrums have always been met with a solid wall and a simple statement. “Your attitude has just made it impossible for me to give you what you want. Even if I wanted to get it for you, I can’t now. And now you’ll never know.” There are no angry yelling matches, no beaten children, no slammed doors in my house. We have a teenage daughter who knows how to pick her battles and she knows how to fight them well. My husband taught her that.

My husband plays strategy games with my son. Quality time, math lesson, forethought and good sportsmanship all wrapped up in a Sci-Fi package. Genius.

My husband was given about the worst example of a father you could get. With no tools, no good example, no beaten path to walk on, he’s done damn well. I am proud of my husband.

J.Solty’s Blog has given me much to think about over the past few months. I had been aware of the mirror and smoke antics of feminisim before I found his blog. I did not know that there was an actual movement to describe in detail the hypocrasiy of feminism. Two of his recent posts were about fathers day. They kind of sparked this post. On Fathers Day, of all days, there is just too much negative about men. I highly encourage you to read his blog and really let yourself picture the other side of the coin. So many things women do and say that would ruin a man if he dared to utter them. Well, this man is standing up and drawing a line. He is not allowing himself to be treated with disrespect. The existence of two genders does not have to mean one putting the other down. No one has to step on someone else to become somebody. No where have I seen that written as eloquently as in J.Solty’s Blog.



  1. Thank you lizabetta.
    And let me offer some praise in return. Your article about the wonderful fathering qualities you admire in your husband is the kind of story we need to hear around Fathers Day. It was a pleasure reading it and I will highlight it on my blog.
    But more importantly, I admire that as a woman, you are willing speak up and help men with the issues they face, knowing that some may look upon you as “selling out” the sisterhood.
    Sometimes I wonder who is the stronger of the two: a man who speaks out against feminism, or a woman who openly stands up for men and their issues? Sometimes I feel it’s a woman like you.
    Thanks again for the kind words. And let me speak for all men when I say thank you for your support.

  2. […] This next article comes from a woman named Lizabetta who has her own blog detailing her life as a once single mother. In this article, she uses her blog to eloquently convey the appreciation she has for her husband, not just as a spouse, but as a loving, caring father. However, I have to note that I am partial to her writings. She is a visitor to my blog, appreciates my writing, and I have corresponded with her in the past. But even with that being said, it does not take away the beauty or sincerity of her article. Fathers Day Reflections […]

  3. Excellent post. Long time, no read. Somehow my subscription to your blog vanished . . . one of many I lost during some recent housecleaning gone awry. I’m glad you stopped in and renewed contact.

    My wife and I feel the same way about our kids. While a quiet dinner out is nice at times, there are other times when NOT having the kids there to order silver-dollar pancakes or big banana splits just isn’t any fun at all.

    Sounds like you have a great man. Tell him to keep up the great work of being a dad . . .

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